Thor’s Hall

I have shamelessly lifted the below text from here.  It is just too funny not to share.  How can you possibly take anything seriously after reading through this.

HOW GUN MAGAZINES WRITE ARTICLES

Instruction From The Editor To The Journalist:

Frangible Arms just bought a four page color ad in our next issue. They sent us their latest offering, the CQB MK-V Tactical Destroyer. I told Fred to take it out to the range to test. He’ll have the data for you tomorrow.

Feedback From Technician Fred:

The pistol is a crude copy of the World War II Japanese Nambu type 14 pistol, except it’s made from unfinished zinc castings. The grips are pressed cardboard. The barrel is unrifled pipe. There are file marks all over the gun, inside and out.

Only 10 rounds of 8mm ammunition were supplied. Based on previous experience with a genuine Nambu, I set up a target two feet down range. I managed to cram four rounds in the magazine and one in the chamber. I taped the magazine in place, bolted the pistol into a machine rest, got behind a barricade, and pulled the trigger with 20 feet of 550 cord. I was unable to measure the trigger pull because my fish scale tops out at 32 pounds. On the third try, the pistol fired. From outline of the holes, I think the barrel, frame, magazine, trigger and recoil spring blew through the target. The remaining parts scattered over the landscape.

I sent the machine rest back to the factory to see if they can fix it, and we need to replace the shooting bench for the nice people who own the range. I’ll be off for the rest of the day. My ears are still ringing. I need a drink.

Article Produced By The Journalist:

The CQB MK-V Tactical Destroyer is arguably the deadliest pistol in the world. Based on a combat proven military design, but constructed almost entirely of space age alloy, it features a remarkable barrel design engineered to produce a cone of fire, a feature much valued by Special Forces world wide. The Destroyer shows clear evidence of extensive hand fitting. The weapon disassembles rapidly without tools. At a reasonable combat distance, I put five holes in the target faster than I would have thought possible. This is the pistol to have if you want to end a gunfight at all costs. The gun is a keeper, and I find myself unable to send it back.

The word awesome has had some interesting evolution in it’s use throughout my lifetime.  After seeing the picture below, I cannot think of a better one work description.

Sometimes, it sucks. This trip is one of those. Evidently I missed the forecast that had a retrograding Nor’easter passing across NYC yesterday, and today, and….

I was able to spend an extra night away from home as a result. I have had two flights canceled on me in the last 24 hrs. I am now scheduled to depart 25 hrs later than planned. Now, I have had worse trips, and other folks have nightmare travel stories to share (I could too). From that standpoint, this has not been that bad a trip. It more the mental disruption, and having to be nimble and deal with customer service folks that are totally stressed out that always throws a kink into the situation.

I finally made it out to LaGauardia. I can’t remember the last time that I saw an airport with no planes at it. They have really been impacted by this weather. Some aircraft are beginning to land, which is a good sign. Still will be a couple of hours before we begin to see some United planes arrive.

Listening into other peoples conversations in this kind of situation is always funny. Guy behind me was canceled this morning, and is trying to get to Moline. He has no additional reservations and is on the phone trying to get out. He is now wondering how far it is from LGA to JFK. Doesn’t seem like a good trade off to me but, I was the one asking my travel folks if they could get me out of Newark to Denver, LA, Dulles, anywhere this morning. Life’s curve balls always makes for interesting stories.

I am staying optimistic that I will actually be able to get out of here, today.

Who would have thought…

“The problem with quotes on the internet is that it is difficult to verify their authenticity”

—-President Abraham Lincoln

Funny stuff from Rock Sugar…. Go take a listen

Another commentary on this nation’s executive.

I ran across this wonderful political cartoon this morning.  It is a great take off on what was a pretty funny super bowl ad.

A little fun for you….  How long does it take after being bitten by a zombie for you to begin craving the sweet taste of brains?

Created by Oatmeal

Hmm… does that title make sense?  Well take a look at the below post:

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to a “Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during the great
fire of 1666.

The Scots raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to “Let’s get the Bastards” They don’t have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Hide”. The only two higher levels in France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France ’s white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country’s military capability. It’s not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout loudly and excitedly” to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and “Lose”.

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes, on all of their allies, just in case.

And at a local level…

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”. Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “Shit, I hope Austrulia will come and rescue us”. In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to
gather together in a strategic defensive position called “Bondi”.

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right, mate”. Three more escalation levels remain, “Crikey!’, “I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie this weekend” and “The barbie is cancelled”. So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

H/T Theo

Why is it that some of the oldest, simplest jokes seem to be the most funny?  Maybe it’s me getting to be an old geezer.